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Don Sims
03-22-2006, 11:29 PM
The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying
an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical
help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from
Mizzou and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much
would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied,
"Everything but my earrings."

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A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and paired off in
twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others
asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up
the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out
there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going
to steal Henry!"

(No Dick Cheney was not one of the hunters)

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A senior at Texas was overheard saying.. "When the end of the
world comes, I hope to be in Texas."

When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Texas because
everything happens in Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the
civilized world.

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The young man from Texas came running into the store and said
to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the
parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license
number."

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NEWS FLASH! - Texas's worst air disaster occurred when a small
two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Aggie students,
crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered
300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues
into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in
the recovery efforts.

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An Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-40. The
trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

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A man in Texas had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the
road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and
one behind it.

Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the
scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He
asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat
tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put
flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it
either."