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firemanbill
04-25-2006, 02:43 AM
Only from a pet owner

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.

The stairway was not designed by an F1 driver and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's arse.
I cannot stress this enough!



To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot
better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an
adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't
speak clearly.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less,
don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when
called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends,
don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest
fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars
for an education - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

Doppelganger
04-25-2006, 04:52 AM
Thats classic.:)
We have a large dog, and two cats. Man can I relate.
Steve

David Murphy
04-25-2006, 11:04 AM
Good article, and it's all true. Our cat loves to be in my garage/shop with me. But as soon as I hover my Blade CX she takes off like a shot into the house. It must be the biggest dragonfly she's ever seen, and it buzzes at her too. Keep up the dialogue. Pets are real people.

turnwaldw
04-25-2006, 11:47 AM
The bed part sounds right my wife thinks it more important for the three poms we have to be comfortable than me. We have a cat and all three dogs that must either be in the bathroom with you or right outside the door and dont dare close it either.

firemanbill
04-25-2006, 12:46 PM
My favorite part is the "Fur" niture line... I have a dalmation so it doesn't matter what color you wear, One of the colors of hair will show up on you. And the couch belongs to her!

Glo4U
04-25-2006, 02:12 PM
love this! Rascal rules this house, if you want to come in, you have to brib him with a biscut we sneak out the door to you. Then you are allowed in on a probational visit that can be revoked by loud noises or perceived threatening moves.

frvrngn
04-25-2006, 02:59 PM
Perfect list! I need to post that on my door. We have 3 dogs, and they all shed. And they all do almost every single thing on your list!

muddy udders
04-25-2006, 06:07 PM
I feel sorry for you guys with shedding dogs.
I have a cattle dog and they don't shed. They blow their coat just twice a year. Each time it lasts only six months. :p

old git
04-25-2006, 07:32 PM
We only have one pet now, a Boarder Collie. He is our substitute child since the kids left home. He's also our best friend with never a thought of criticising us. He treats my wife and I as the GODS we know we are. We intend to introduce him to the rules but I fear that only some of the rules will meet with his approval. Maybe he needs some more furry friends?

PS On the subject of shedding, Blaze doesn't shed but we do have tumbleweed on all floors.




old git AKA John L.

SilberIgel
04-25-2006, 08:10 PM
Excellent!!!!

brnyrbbl
05-26-2007, 05:58 AM
True story...
My brother Vacuums his dogs and they actually like it. If I could only run fast enough to vacuum mine::o

TLyttle
05-27-2007, 02:16 AM
Keep in mind that Border Collies have a much higher IQ than any teenager I have met, and they are way cheaper to keep around. You can reason with them about the rules, and they don't want to borrow the car...

USAPatriot
05-27-2007, 04:49 AM
True story...
My brother Vacuums his dogs and they actually like it. If I could only run fast enough to vacuum mine::o

Yeah. My girls hear the vacuum's wheels land outside the closet 30 feet away and they are hunkered down for the entire day. I keep telling them I could vacuum less if they left the litter in the box... -Rod-