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Humor Have some funny jokes or stories? All is fair game except political, religious or too explicit.

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Old 01-08-2014, 07:21 PM   #1
Larry3215
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Default European Commission on Language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.


Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.


Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

I think I need a signature.
Larry
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Old 01-08-2014, 08:00 PM   #2
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I used to have a copy of this years ago ... nice to see it again !!

Nigel

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Old 01-08-2014, 08:23 PM   #3
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The good ones keep coming back

I think I need a signature.
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Old 01-08-2014, 09:12 PM   #4
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Default

Originally Posted by Larry3215 View Post
The good ones keep coming back
Another I lost when my old computer broke... was the insurance report for the ship which hit the bridge in Mississippi river and the cars fall on the deck.

Nigel

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Old 01-08-2014, 10:40 PM   #5
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Default

In the beginning was the Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

And they spoke amongst themselves, saying:
"It is a crock of , and it stinketh."

And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said:
"It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying:
"It is a container of manure, and it is very strong,
such that none may abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying:
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying to one another:
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him:
"This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the
company, with powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.

And the Plan became Policy.

This is how Excrement Occurs.

********

Minor edits to make it PG-13 safe
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Old 01-09-2014, 09:24 AM   #6
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LOL

another great one

I think I need a signature.
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