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Humor Have some funny jokes or stories? All is fair game except political, religious or too explicit.

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Old 05-12-2014, 12:51 AM   #1
Don Sims
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Lightbulb Loans

A Scotsman walks into the Bank of England in Threadneedle Street, Central London and asks for the manager. He tells the manager that he is going to Australia on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.
The manager tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so Hamish hands over the keys and documents of a new Ferrari parked on the street outside. He produces the Log Book; the Manager makes some phone calls and everything checks out.  The manager agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's General Manager and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the rough looking Scotsman for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, Hamish returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.
The manager says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.  While you were away, we checked and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

Hamish replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be secure until I return."

Ah......the minds of Scotsmen…

Take care and thanks for posting at WattFlyer!!

Don
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Old 05-12-2014, 05:26 PM   #2
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There's a joke about Scots ...

What is difference between English and Scot ?

Scot has shorter arms and deeper pockets.

..............................

Now this is true and unfortunately UK banks have caught up with it.

On various like cars and furniture etc. - I would take a bank loan ... and with minimum deposit, maximum term. Now this sounds daft and expensive ... but in fact it's not - IF ..............

Pay a few instalments and then pay of the balance in a lump sum.

Basically you had the credit at lowest monthly instalment ... until you had put together the total ... penalty payments back then for early repayment were minimal. In some cases I even got a 'discount' for early settlement.

It was cheapest money you could get !

Sadly banks have got wise to it and no benefit - in fact it can now cost you more !

Nigel

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Old 05-12-2014, 07:20 PM   #3
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are sitting in a bar.

Suddenly, a fly dives into each of their beers.

The Englishman says, "Barman, a fly just dived into my beer. Bring me another one."
The Englishman got another beer.

The Irishman says, "Ah, to hell with it," and empties his pint, fly and all.

The Scotsman pulls the fly out of his beer, shakes it up and down, and screams, "Spit it out, damn you! Spit it out!"
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Old 05-12-2014, 10:29 PM   #4
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Good one !

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Old 05-12-2014, 10:45 PM   #5
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Irishman on desert island ..

Bottle washes up on the beach ... he picks it up ...

Wipes the label to read it .. Genie appears :

Oh Master - I grant you 3 wishes ...

Irish guy thinks and says :

A beer glass

A bottle of Guinness that never runs dry

Whoosh .. Whoosh ... both appear ...

Irishman takes a swig of the black nectar .. Guinness ...

Genie is still there .. and says :

Oh Master - you have one wish left ...

Irishman looks, thinks ... and says :

Another one of these beers please ...

Whoosh.

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Old 05-12-2014, 10:54 PM   #6
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Man finds an old brass lamp.
Starts to clean it up and a genie appears.

Genie: Master I regret to inform you that new union rues only allow me to give you one wish.

Man: I want a blonde who will always love me.

Whoosh!... Golden retriever.
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Old 05-13-2014, 07:29 AM   #7
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Englishman .. Scotsman and Irishman on an island.

Bottle washes up on beach ...


Scotsman picks it up ... rubs it .. Genie appears :

"Master - you have 3 wishes - use them wisely"

Scotsman replies :

"1 - Lots of money
2 - beautiful women that love me
3- Home in Bonny Scotland"

Whoosh he's gone ....

Englishman picks it up ... rubs it .. Genie appears :

"Master - you have 3 wishes - use them wisely"

Englishman replies :

"1 - Lots of money
2 - beautiful women that love me
3- Home in beautiful England"

Whoosh he's gone ....

Irishman picks it up ... rubs it .. Genie appears :

"Master - you have 3 wishes - use them wisely"

Scotsman replies :

"1 - Bottle of Guinness
2 - Bottle of Tullamore Whiskey
3- I'm lonely - can I have my two pals back here ?"


Nigel

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