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Humor Have some funny jokes or stories? All is fair game except political, religious or too explicit.

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Old 03-02-2013, 05:55 PM   #1
Heli Jim
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Default Aeronautically speaking

AERONAUTICALLY SPEAKING

Over the years, I've have overheard an overabundance of aeronautical talk
during numerous debriefings. Being overly cautious for safety sake, I've
decided to share this with my friends, family and fellow flyers:

AIRSPEED - Speed of an airplane. (Deduct 25% when listening to a retired
Coast Guard pilot.)

BANK - The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.

CARBURETOR ICING - A phenomenon reported to the FAA by pilots immediately
after they run out of gas.

CONE OF CONFUSION - An area about the size of New Jersey located near the
final approach fix at an airport.

DEAD RECKONING - You reckon correctly, or you are.

DESTINATION - Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot's bladder
saturation point.

ENGINE FAILURE - A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously
become filled with low-octane air.

FIREWALL - Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and
smoke into the cockpit.

FLIGHT FOLLOWING - Formation flying.

GLIDE DISTANCE - Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency
landing field.

HOBBS - An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail
during dual instruction.

HYDROPLANE - An airplane designed to land long on a short and wet runway.

LEAN MIXTURE - Nonalcoholic beer.

MINI MAG LITE - Device designed to support the AA battery industry.

NANOSECOND - Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of
carburetor icing.

OVER - Self-explanatory word used to mask cluelessness.

PARASITIC DRAG - A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.

RICH MIXTURE - What you order at another pilot's promotion party.

ROGER - Used when you're not sure what else to say prior to saying OVER or
OUT.

SECTIONAL CHART - Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination.

SERVICE CEILING - Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks.

SPOILERS - FAA Inspectors.

STALL - Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late.

STEEP BANKS - Banks that charge pilots more than 10% interest.

TURN & BANK INDICATOR - An instrument largely ignored by pilots.

USEFUL LOAD - Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight
and/or balance.

WAC CHART - Directions to the Army female barracks.

YANKEE - Any pilot who has to ask New Orleans tower to "Say again."

Helicopters don't really fly.......
They're just so ugly, that the earth repels them.
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Old 03-02-2013, 06:06 PM   #2
CrimzonRider
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Default

LOL @ low octane air!
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