Southern cops have a way with words! These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Yes or no; because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
"You feeling froggy, boy? 'Cause if you want to jump, go ahead, jump!"
(NY Dutchess County sheriff, we had a thing going where he'd harass me and I'd do huge burnouts just outside his field of vision)
"Do you always drive around with an empty film container?"
(I point to my camera) "Only when I drive around with my camera"
(NY state trooper while stopped on I84 on the newburgh-beacon bridge)
"Do you mind if we use your car as part of a training stop?"
(NY statie pulled me over in my '67 GTO just because they figured it'd make a good car search exercise for the rookie)
"You've been drinking, I can smell it"
(bored NY townie at 3am, rt. 9G north of roseton, it was fall and the fallen apples in the orchards were rotting and fermenting)
My friend to a statie, squaring off across the trunk of my '67 GTO:
"Why are you such a pain in our ass, is it because you're mad at the world because god made you short and ugly?!"
Cop, to me: "GET BACK IN THE CAR!"
Me: "I just want to watch you hit him"
Ask me why your DX5e is doomed... and how to fix it.
Was "Arrested" once for illegal possession of fireworks. When I asked the trooper if it was a misdemeanor or a felony, he told me "Neither. It's an annoyance charge. You annoy me and I annoy you." It was on July 4th too. How un-patriotic!