View Full Version : McDonnell Douglas

12-14-2005, 08:15 PM
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell-Douglas Website by an employee
there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not have a
sense of humor, and made the web department take it down immediately.
For once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too....

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your
new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card
below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to
develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name: ................................
Initial: ........
Last Name: ..................................
Password: ............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name:..................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....../......./......
4. Serial Number:.........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iran
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:

[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Indicate all that apply

[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Travelerís check

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[ ] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
on a regular basis:

[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in
market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well
as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will
be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDonnell
DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)named above
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly
sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs.
If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this
email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social
faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and
may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this mail, although the
kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an
overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message
revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can
ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please
add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly
and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.