View Full Version : Quantas "gripe sheet"

01-24-2006, 09:03 PM
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.... Enjoy!

>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>S: Evidence removed.
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>S: That's what they're for.
>P: IFF inoperative.
>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>S: Suspect you're right
>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>P: Aircraft handles funny.
>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>P: Target radar hums.
>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>S: Cat installed.
>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget is
>pounding on something with a hammer.
>S: Took hammer away from midget

01-26-2006, 04:08 AM
Why is the airline industry so crazy? I love it...

I lived next to Vancouver International for ~10 years, and I enjoyed every minute. My neighbours were all associated with the industry, and I only wish I could remember some of the wild stories I heard!

10-16-2008, 03:43 AM
This was on page 51 but man.. I had to leave a comment. Very funny =)

10-16-2008, 03:47 AM
oh man that is great! lol nice!