The guru was happily teaching math to the students at his home. He said:
"5 sides > pentagon" "6 sides >hexagon" "8 sides >octagon" .....then suddenly, the guru suffered a heart attack, fell onto the ground making a loud "thud" sound, and died on the spot. Hearing the sound, his wife came running from the other room and asked, "What happened ?" The students said, "Gurugon." 
Have you ever thought about the range of words which have a Grecian root?
There are lots of such words in mathematics, like "geometry". Some of these words have an interesting derivation. A contemporary of Pythagoras was watching a parrot playing with some twigs, once upon a time. Although birds often play with twigs and leaves and branches, this parrot, to the mathematician's amazement, actually arranged the pieces of wood into some sort of a pattern. Then, unfortunately, the bird keeled over, dead. The mathematician was so moved that he named the shape, "Dead parrot," although  of course  he said it in Greek. Which is why we call that shape a polygon. 
Three gentleman who excel in their respective fields are invited to compete in a competition. Competing are: a top Engineer, a shrewd Businessman, and an awardwinning Mathematician. The judges, in turn ask each gentleman to fence in a herd of cattle using the shortest length of fence.
The engineer goes first. He takes out a large sheet of graph paper, and maps out the outermost foot of each of the outermost cows. He then measures exactly how much fence is required to create a polygon around the herd, and erects the fence. He is particularly pleased with his job, and has used only 451.39m of fence. Next it is the businessman's turn. He takes a long length of fence, and quickly runs it around the herd with no particular care. He then uses all his strength to tighten, and tighten, and tighten until all of the cows are squished together nearly on top of one another. The cows are clearly in extreme pain, but he has completed his task, and done so using only 110m of fence. The judges are revolted by the sight, but admit that it seems the businessman has won, as the cows could not be fenced in any tighter. Nonetheless, it is only fair to give the mathematician a turn. At this point, the mathematician has wandered off solving differential equations or trying to prove P =/= NP, but eventually they find him, and explain the rules. The mathematician thinks for a few seconds, then grabs 2 meters of fence. He wraps it around himself and declares, "I'm on the outside." 
Why did the square fall in love with the triangle?
Because she had acute angle. 
A mysterious force dragged a pirate ship closer to the Bermuda Triangle, alarming the captain.
The captain asked the lookout in the the crow's nest what he saw. The lookout replied, "Captain, we be sailing tangent to stormy seas. It be a sine the secant be good." The captain responded, "Aye, the sea put this here crew in a triggy situation." 
Moore’s law states that the number of transistors in integrated circuits doubles every two years.
This is usually done by making them smaller. Therefore, less is Moore’s. 
A horse walks into a bar and says, “On a rightangled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?”
The bartender says, “Y, long face.” 
A new study found that viruses are commonly affecting pet cats and dogs, but not ants.
Because ants have antibodies. 
What did the triangle need to do before he could get a loan?
He needed somebody to cosine. 
In keeping with the triangle theme
1 Attachment(s)
Hell's Angles

What did one triangle say to the other triangle?
Hey, we should get together and square dance! 
What sound does a horse make while walking?
*Clop, clop.* What sound does a horse make while walking uphill? *Clop, clop* multiplied by the cosine of the slope angle. 
A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions.
The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques, and a few hours, the physicist gave the solved problem to the mathematician, who was duly impressed. "All right, my turn. Here's the problem: you have a pot of water on the stove, at 60° F. You want to heat it up to 70° F. What do you do?" The mathematician replied, "Oh, that's easy. You turn the stove on. Fourier's equations govern how heat transfers from the stove to the pot, and you can solve them numerically to find out how long it takes for the water to reach 70° F." The physicist then asks, "All right, so what if the water's at 65° F?" "Oh, that's even easier. You take the pot of water, stick it in the refrigerator until it cools down to 60° F, and then it simplifies to the previous problem!" 
It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"
A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question. A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≤2+2≤4. An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writes down 5 just to be safe. 
A friend of mine thinks that Isaac Newton is joke and was never born.
I told him that Newton was very important for inventing the laws of motion and calculus (which I wish he never had). He still didn't get how important he is in history. I guess he didn't understand the gravity of the situation. 
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory?
Because it was a plant eater! 
What is Science?
Simply said, Science is about making a prediction and then try to prove it. So: If I theorize that "There is Beer in the fridge!" and then proceed to look in the fridge for said beer, it is considered science. If I theorize that "There is beer in the fridge!" and don't look, because I believe there is beer there, it is considered Religion. If I say "There is beer in the fridge!" , proceed to look, don't find any, and still say "There is beer in the fridge!", it is considered Esoteric. If I say "There is beer in the fridge!", go and open the fridge, take out the milk, and say "This has the same effect because there Was beer adjacent to it", it is homeopathy. 
"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework."
Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?" "Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes." 
As part of an experiment, a crab was brought to the International Space Station to study the effects of longterm isolation.
At first, the astronauts were surprised to find the animal seemed to enjoy the time alone. But then, they realized it was a hermit crab. 
An experiment was conducted to see if chickens are able to fly in the International Space Station.
The results were poultry in motion. 
Speaking of rock stars, here's a list of the latest hits:
Cosmic Dust in the Wind Drops of Jupiter Ain't no Mons High Enough It's Still Rock and Gas to Me Asteroids Keep Falling on my Head Elements in the Sky We Didn't Start the Thermonuclear Synthesis Free Fallin' Shine On You Hazy Planet Venus Outshined Intergalactic Planetary Cygnus X1 
A student was staring off in class.
The teacher said to the student, "Staring off into space never got anyone far in life." The student replied, "That's what they told Galileo." 
When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...
Europa creek with no paddle. 
Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today. Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.
Myneckisaur. 
A geologist was driving down a country road when he saw this beautiful rock formation. He pulled over to get a closer look. As he was admiring the rock, an old farmer drove up. The geologist asked if he knew how long the rock had been here.
The farmer says "in fact, I do! It's a million and 7 years old" The geologist stunned a bit says "that's oddly specific, how do you know that?" The farmer goes "well, another feller like you came to look at this same rock and he said it was a million years old. And that was about 7 years ago" 
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