Don Sims

A snake entered an university

Students noticed the snake in the hallway. It was weird since nobody had seen him before. The security arrived and turns out the snake had entered using a fake ID. On asking whose id it was snake replied:

"hissss...."

Don Sims

What’s the difference between a pirate and a cold lumberjack?

One says “Shiver me timbers!”

The other shivers in the timbers.

Don Sims

A University of (fill in the name of the college you want to make fun of) graduate gets a job

He shows up to his first day of work, and the boss hands him a mop and a bucket.

"Hey! I will have you know I'm a graduate of the University (fill in the name of the college you want to make fun of)!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the boss said, "let me show you how to use those."