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Old 03-28-2023, 11:43 AM
  #176  
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My electrician friend is a rather strict and safety conscious father. His kids are always grounded.
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Old 03-29-2023, 12:10 PM
  #177  
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I donít understand the hate lazy people get. They didnít do anything.
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Old 03-30-2023, 12:29 PM
  #178  
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I never called you stupid. But when I asked you to spell 'orange' and you asked me whether I meant the fruit or the color, it kinda caught me off guard.
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Old 03-31-2023, 12:33 PM
  #179  
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Stop killing ducks to make duck tape!
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Old 04-02-2023, 02:01 PM
  #180  
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If you turn up the volume enough, everything is noise cancelling.
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Old 04-03-2023, 12:12 PM
  #181  
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Wife bought me a coffee to go. I bought myself a beer to stay.
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Old 04-04-2023, 11:56 AM
  #182  
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Lightbulb

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake. -W. C. Fields
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Old 04-06-2023, 12:07 PM
  #183  
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It's OK to cut negative people out of your life... just don't use Mom's good fabric scissors.


"Facebook asked me what was on my mind, then banned me for saying it!"

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Old 04-13-2023, 11:44 AM
  #184  
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Lawyers don't have underwear drawers. They use briefcases.
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Old 04-14-2023, 11:18 AM
  #185  
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If youíre defusing a bomb, you're either right, or it's not your problem any more...
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Old 04-15-2023, 12:29 PM
  #186  
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Boss: This is the third time you've been late to work this week! Do you know what that means? Me: It's Wednesday?
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Old 04-16-2023, 11:34 AM
  #187  
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Why don't lawsuits last very long? Because most lawyers have briefcases.
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Old 04-17-2023, 12:02 PM
  #188  
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What do you call a coffee with an old friend? A catchupino.
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Old 04-18-2023, 12:08 PM
  #189  
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Why are lumberjacks always men? Because they're fellers.
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Old 04-19-2023, 11:44 AM
  #190  
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Glasses make you look smarter, but you have to fail a test to get them.
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Old 04-20-2023, 12:06 PM
  #191  
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What do you call a snake what has been fused with a fruit? A bananaconda.
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Old 04-21-2023, 11:47 AM
  #192  
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Where does seaweed look for a job? In the ‘kelp-wanted’ ads!
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Old 04-22-2023, 11:44 AM
  #193  
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What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you canít refuse? The CODfather!


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Old 04-25-2023, 11:28 AM
  #194  
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Why is weighing snakes so easy? Because they come with their own scales.
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Old 05-02-2023, 11:55 AM
  #195  
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I tried calling the Tinnitus Helpline. No answer, it just kept ringing....
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Old 05-15-2023, 11:34 AM
  #196  
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These are not gray hairs! They are wisdom highlights.
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