One Liners
02-04-2023, 08:57 PM
Past President of PSSF
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Lacey WA, 1 mile E of Mushroom Corner
Posts: 2,274
If you slap Dwayne Johnson's butt, what have you just done?
You hit the Rock's bottom
02-05-2023, 01:36 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
I accidentally took my cat’s medicine last night Don’t ask meow!
02-06-2023, 12:27 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
"I've been much happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice in the mornings. My doctor said it's the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I suspect it's actually the vodka."
02-07-2023, 12:26 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
I was asked if I’d like to make a donation to help the local swimming pool So I gave them a glass of water
02-11-2023, 12:19 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
The most effective way to torture a teenager is to make him watch an older person use a computer.
02-14-2023, 12:45 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
Don't anger old folks. The older we get, the less of a deterrent 'life in prison' becomes...
02-15-2023, 12:07 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
Is sawhorse the past tense of seahorse?
02-16-2023, 12:38 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore . . . I'm not going to let you hurt me again." My personal Trainer's response to me was: "It was only one sit-up.”
02-17-2023, 12:14 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
I’m going to start hosting OCD group meetings at my house. I’m not OCD but I’m hoping that they’ll clean my house.
02-18-2023, 11:04 AM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
How much weight can a truck hold? As much as it can pickup....
02-20-2023, 12:06 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
What's the difference between your password and glass luggage? One's case sensitive and the other's a sensitive case.
02-22-2023, 12:18 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
02-23-2023, 11:32 AM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
Why does the ocean roar? You would too if you had that many crabs on your bottom.
03-08-2023, 12:01 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank....
03-09-2023, 12:02 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
My wife and I had a big fight. Afterwards she came crawling to me on her hands and knees …Saying, “You come out from under that bed and fight like a man!”
03-12-2023, 12:54 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
What does a fish say when he bangs his head on a wall? “Dam"
03-13-2023, 11:59 AM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
I named my two dogs Timex and Rolex. They're my watchdogs.
03-14-2023, 11:57 AM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
I recently quit drinking for good. Now I drink for evil.
03-15-2023, 11:36 AM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
I had a dream last night I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
03-17-2023, 11:52 AM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
A cop stops a driver for running a red light. In court, the man claims: "The light looked green to me", so they charged him with speeding.
03-18-2023, 12:00 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their baby girl? Patty
03-19-2023, 12:56 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
I got an e-mail saying “At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards”, and I thought...“That’s just spam”
03-21-2023, 12:01 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
What do you call sad coffee? Depresso.
03-22-2023, 11:35 AM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
The fact that sloth's aren't extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own business you too can succeed.
03-26-2023, 12:57 PM
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 15,767
I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
